Some things I just don't take out of my boxes

I've started to think about packing. And I have done some. But I really don't want to pack at all, because I don't really know where I'm going. There was a story I was told about an MK who graduated from college and had nowhere to go. I always hated that story. And now I kind of feel like that's where I am. It's hard to write with all this uncertainty, let me tell you. (And also, when I am done writing, I feel like I will really, truly, be gone, and I don't know how to handle that.)

There are some boxes I never unpack, wherever I move. These are the memory boxes and they keep getting heavier each time. I'm sure there is a metaphor in there somewhere.

On the other hand, part of me also likes packing and getting rid of things I don't need.

Things I currently dislike

I don't really want to think or write or talk about how I have no idea where my future is going. This is mostly because I feel like this lack of knowledge means that I'm a failure. And in all honestly, there were probably things I should have done differently. But I'm certainly not the only one in this position. I just don't like it.

Chester, Chester

I feel like it all makes complete and rational sense in my mind. And then I get buried in paper and details and it overflows and becomes a mountain.

Oh, Chester

Back to complaining about how haaaaaaaard writing is. Seriously, it all makes sense in my head, but somewhere between my brain and my fingers the information gets all tangled up and I am convinced I do not make sense. At all. Ever. And it is hopeless. Chester will be stillborn. Woe.

Then I talked to my thesis buddy and she said she had the same problem, so I felt a little better. We bemoaned the fact that working for 8 hours results in mere paragraphs. It's a fairly incredible thing.

And of course, in addition to that, trying to figure out what I will do when my lease is up is ... well. Not fun. It's a situation where my desired action would be to hide somewhere and close my eyes and pretend that it will all go away if I pretend it's not there. Sadly, I can't do that.

I was rejected by an insurance program called "The Golden Rule" yesterday for having a pre-existing condition. (That is manageable and under control.) I was simultaneously angered and amused by this irony. I'm fairly sure, going by those times I read the Bible, that Jesus healed the people with pre-existing conditions. And said that doctors heal the sick, not the healthy. (Something like that, anyway.) Basically, exactly the opposite of how the American health-care industry works. Effing pisses me off. I just feel, if you are going to spout platitudes about loving your neighbor, your services should not operate on a business model geared solely towards maximizing profits. Sanctimonious a-holes. I should probably stop now or I will be so angry I won't be able to write.

On the other hand, Harry Potter comes out tonight!!!

Thinking back

This time last year I was in Bangkok. I won't deny I wish I could go there again. I felt very competent and capable last summer. This summer, not so much. Everything feels very precarious. Very precarious indeed. I was only half joking when I told my friend that the only thing keeping me sane is the thought of the new Harry Potter movie.

Chesterrrrrrrrrrrr

I find myself consistently frustrated by the fact that I am forced to condense my subject matter and it feels like I'm leaving so much out. So. Many. Facts.

Headsplosion here.

Too busy to blog long

Because I am being fairly productive, thesisly speaking. The election got me interested again, I suppose you could say.

Here are some election links I find important and interesting:

Michelle Fitzpatrick argues that, despite being the first female PM, this election is not a win for Feminism. (I will probably write a paper about this someday.)

Nicholas Farrelly discusses the aftermath of the election and its connection to the last five years of political turmoil.

And finally, academic Chris Baker compiled a map of regional voting patterns. The north and northeast are basically solid red.

All in all, it will be a very interesting next few months as the new government forms. I personally think it would be interesting if Yingluck decides she is not her brother's clone and governs on her own terms. Unfortunately, I'm afraid than any success or failure she has will be attributed to his hand behind the scenes.

Thailand's election resulsts

Thailand has its first woman Prime Minister.

Abhisit has already conceded, which at least precludes a power struggle from that front.

I wish I didn't think things were about to get even more messy, but somehow, I can't believe that this transition will go smoothly.