Circles

So I find myself heading back to Central PA today. I really don't know how I feel about it, but I've been refusing to visit friends who live there and I finally just felt like I was being rude in continually saying no. Also, I confess to some morbid curiosity. Who will I be when I get there? Will the place remember me? We'll see. Letting go takes a long time.

Also, I fear that my committee thinks I have given up on my thesis. Not true, although I did (for an extremely brief moment) seriously consider failing on purpose so I could take another class in the fall. I decided that paying for the class would be the better course of action! There is a visiting scholar that I want to learn from, altho frankly, even if there hadn't been the visiting scholar, there is a chance I would have shown up for classes anyway, to visit. Have I mentioned I have a hard time letting go? haha.

So life is interesting. We'll see what happens.

I watched "Mother and Child" last night. It was a moving film. I cried (not unusual). But I wonder, why, why, why, do the majority of films/books/etc that focus on women deal with their childbearing status? This movie was filled with women who had babies, who couldn't have babies, who you assumed didn't want babies, and yet, in the end, babies were all that mattered. I enjoyed it, like I said, but I was extremely bemused by the "bitch" character who explicitly stated a desire to never ever have children ever suddenly being like I WANT THIS BABY when she unexpectedly gets pregnant and then she turns into a Nice Lady because of motherhood. I dunno. It was just like... where did that come from? The transformation was too sudden. There were some other narrative issues (one story line just, disappeared completely), but overall, it was a thoughtful film and I enjoyed it.