Destinations

One thing I forgot to do this trip was to make sure I booked aisle seats. On these short flights it wasn't too bad but I seriously dislike sitting in-between strangers. On two of my flights this trip (because I can never travel with under four flights roundtrip) I actually sat by the window for the first time in... seven years or so? Since I started traveling alone I just prefer sitting on the aisle so I'm not stuck and I don't have to bother anyone to move. I'd forgotten what it is like to look at the world from such great heights. I especially like watching highways and seeing the cars merge and separate, seemingly so seamlessly.

I really enjoyed my rental car. It accelerated so smoothly I had to be careful because I'd hit 80 mph without (totally) realizing it. I noticed I didn't get tailgated so much this trip, without PA license plates. (I guess my greater confidence with high speeds might alos have had something to do with this.)

This was the first time I'd used a GPS. It was very strange, listening to a disembodied voice telling me where to go. I have to say, though, I didn't get lost at all. So that was pretty awesome. In a way, it was comforting to have another voice in the car as I navigated around.

When I got to RDU this morning, I tried to remember if it looks at all the same as it did all those years ago when my family left the States for the first time. Honestly, I don't can't remember. I do remember that when I was very, very small, we could go with my dad to the gate and sit with him until his plane took off. It's hard to believe it now.

My aunt remembers the day we flew out of Raleigh to meet the world. "Your dad was going nuts trying to check all your bags," she chuckled. And I remembered the crazy luggage we had. The requirements were different then, and we had at least five trunks and as many suitcases, a combination that added up to twelve, two checked pieces per person, even my brother who was a day away from four years old. I was terrified that somehow we would lose him, and I kept him and my sisters close to me.

Oh that luggage. It was the culmination of months of sorting and weighing and much heartbreak that I only dimly knew at that time. How do you figure out what to take half-way around the world to a place you've never been, with four small children who need some sort of stability? (And now it's mirrored in the question, what do you take back?) What is worth keeping? How important are things? I wonder this still.

My journey from Raleigh today was quite different. Just me and my two small carryon bags. Tracing my way through the sky towards school and work and decisions about the future. This is just another time when I wish I could stay in limbo. In life, there's not a clear destination. Sometimes this terrifies me. I waited on the tarmac for the earth to fall away, effortless and beautiful. I could be going anywhere. I just might.